nut hugger
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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