still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
