note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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