Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
