I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Enjoy the penises
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
