There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize