Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize