It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
