well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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