You can't motorboat a personality
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
