Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
