Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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