People with herpes should wear stickers.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
