Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
