i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
