dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
