yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
