one word: firstdatebathroomanal
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize