ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
