I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
