mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
