i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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