I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
