I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
