I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
