I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
