i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
