The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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