she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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