woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
