SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
