jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
