margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize