sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize