i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
