guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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