Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
