Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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