do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
