I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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