brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He passed out mid-signature
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
