Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
