Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
