bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
