omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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