Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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