i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
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We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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