someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
