It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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