i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
