i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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