She announced her abortion via fbk
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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