I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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