I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
