I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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