grandma shit on top of the toilet
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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