We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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