i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
