Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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