you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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