I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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