she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
even my farts smell like vagina
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
