Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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