just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just invented taco cereal.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
