Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
