i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
