u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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