I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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